Introduction
Hi everyone. Welcome to Volcano’s world premiere audio drama, Metamorphosis --- A Viral Trilogy. This is a series of three audio diaries by André Alexis, with original music, sound design and mix by Debashis Sinha, and directed by me, Ross Manson.
What you are about to hear is Episode ONE: Lucretia in Quarantine, starring Bahia Watson as Lucretia
This episode is set in Toronto, Canada – which is on the traditional territory of many nations and peoples, including the Mississaugas of the Credit, the Anishinaabeg, the Chippewa, the Haudenosaunee and the Wendat.
You’ll also hear a little about Hornepayne Ontario, a township north of Lake Superior, which is in the traditional territory of the Ojibway/Chippewa, Cree, and Algonquin peoples.
All of these Indigenous Nations, indigenous peoples, have been here, and continue to be here, caring for this land. And this has gone on for thousands of years. So you can imagine the many many stories that have been told in this place, about this place.
We hope you like this one.
Lucretia in Quarantine
(SOUNDBITE: KALIMBA MUSIC WITH DRUMBEAT PLAYS)
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED ON)
LUCRETIA: Tuesday.
Today I was in the maple tree out back, waiting for squirrels. (AMBIENT OUTDOOR SOUNDS: WIND, BIRDS)
LUCRETIA: I saw my neighbour and he saw me, but he didn’t say anything. Just as well, because when you’re fishing for squirrels, it’s better to be by yourself.
I like other people, in general. Just not my neighbour. I’ll be honest with you, I don’t like that he uses a gun to shoot squirrels. Guns make people different. I think it’s better if you learn how to sit by yourself and stay quiet. I’ve gotten so good the squirrels come into my hand.
The problem is when they bite. You don’t like it. I don’t like it. And going by how many YouTube vids are about squirrel bites, I’m pretty sure nobody likes it. It’s a small price to pay, though, isn’t it?
Anyway, today I was in the maple out back and I remembered something from when I was a kid.
(DISTANT STORM SOUNDS)
I can’t remember what it was.
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED OFF)
(SOUNDBITE: PERCUSSION PLAYS)
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED ON)
LUCRETIA: Wednesday
(AMBIENT OUTDOOR SOUNDS: BIRDS)
I was bitten again, today. Emily says I should think about rabies. I don’t know where my sister gets these ideas. She’s only six. Online, I guess. But squirrels don’t usually have rabies. And anyway, these days, most of them don’t live long enough to catch anything.
Everybody eats squirrels, if they can find them.
Emily likes to take care of my bites. She pretends she’s a nurse and then uses the iodine mom stored up from before. It feels like we have enough iodine for a hundred years.
(DISTANT DOGS BARKING, SEAGULLS)
But I’ve been going through it, now that small animals are coming out and looking at you like you were in their house. Most everyone I know crosses the street when they see racoons. I know I do.
It’s just as well no one shakes hands anymore.
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED OFF)
(SOUNDBITE: DRAMATIC KALIMBA CRASH)
(AMBIENT OUTDOOR SOUNDS: DISTANT BIRDS, LOW HUM OF BUGS)
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED ON)
LUCRETIA: Thursday.
Our next-door neighbour is a bit of a creeper. He is old, for one thing, and he’s always asking about my mom. Like we’d tell him. For another thing, he’s always talking about when he was growing up and you could stand at Yonge and Bloor at night. Like anyone would want to go downtown when it was dark.
He’s always telling jokes too. Like he thinks he should get something if he makes you laugh with him. Like, ok. I remember one, because it was about vampires, and there’s a book mom used to read about vampires. Mostly I liked the cover. Our neighbour says: three vampires walk into a bar. First one says “I’ll have a pint of blood.” Second one says “I’ll have a pint of blood, too.” Third one says “I’ll have a pint of plasma.” And the bartender says: “So, two bloods and a blood light.”
Our neighbour was literally laughing so hard, he couldn’t even hardly breathe.
Like, it was five minutes before I could ask him what “the joke” means.
I shouldn’t have asked though. I don’t want him to guess I’m thirteen. But he sure looked at me like he was surprised I didn’t know.
If I was sixteen, it wouldn’t matter there’s no one looking after us.
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED OFF)
(SOUNDBITE: KALIMBA MUSIC)
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED ON)
LUCRETIA: Saturday.
Today was Em’s birthday. She’s seven, but she thinks she’s eight. That’s because she doesn’t like being so much younger than me.
(QUIET BIRDS IN THE DISTANCE)
There isn’t any cake, even if we do have flour. The only thing I know how to make is flatbread with sugar and cinnamon. I’m very grateful for the people who come around and leave things we might need at the door. I always wait outside on Tuesdays, just so no one else takes our package. I think the neighbour’s wife took our package more than once. Once, she said older people need things more than we do, because we’re young enough to get on with life.
That’s another reason Em wants to be older: so the neighbour’s wife won’t take our things.
When we were eating the cinnamon bread, I sang happy birthday:
(to the tune of Frere Jacques)
Happy birthday, Happy birthday
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy, happy birthday.
Happy, happy birthday.
Happy birthday to you.
(AMBIENT MUSIC IN BACKGROUND)
Em said I sang it wrong. I don’t think I did. But I’m not good at music.
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED OFF)
(SOUNDBITE: FAST-PACED KALIMBA MUSIC)
LUCRETIA: Sunday
(AMBIENT SOUNDS, AIR RUSHING QUIETLY)
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED ON)
I promised mom I would take care of Em. I wish I could be as good to Em as mom was to us before Grandma got sick. Before everyone started getting sick.
I try to read to Em every day, but she doesn’t like book stories, so I have to tell her real stories, like what it was like before she was born and what it was like when we had a father. I try to remember that time too. But – uh - I don’t really remember much.
Like, we used to walk around and people wouldn’t mind you walking around near them, and adults weren’t so rude. But was it really like that? Or am I remembering something I don’t really remember? The more we’re alone, the harder it is to remember, because too many things get in the way, like washing hands and catching squirrels.
Mom’s friend, Mrs. Lennon, she sometimes tells me things were better before. She hasn’t come to see us for a while, even from a distance. But she has good stories. Like how mom met our dad. Mom was working in a place where people went to eat. And our father was working for a company that made something. And one day mom spilled soup on him, and our father didn’t get angry. And she knew she wanted to have us with him.
(AMBIENT KALIMBA MUSIC SWELLS IN BACKGROUND)
That’s Em’s favourite story.
I prefer the one where our father used to throw me up in the air and catch me, when I was really little. When I think about that one, I can almost remember what he smelled like. Em always asks me what he smelled like.
And if I really, really remember, I remember apples.
(SOUND OF A CHILD LAUGHING IN BACKGROUND)
We haven’t seen Mrs. Lennon for such a long time, I wonder if she’s sick now too.
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED OFF)
(SOUNDBITE: AMBIENT KALIMBA MUSIC WITH QUIET PERCUSSION)
(SOUND OF DISHES CRASHING, A CHILD LAUGHING)
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED ON)
LUCRETIA: Tuesday
My neighbour shot a racoon today. I suppose they’ll eat it. I don’t like racoons and me and Em, we wouldn’t eat them. That’s why I never take any food from the neighbours, especially if it’s meat.
(RACOON CHITTERING, DISHES CRASHING, A CHILD LAUGHING, THEN MORE RATTLING)
These days, you don’t know what people are eating. I like squirrels, mostly.
(LUCRETIA MAKES AN AGGRAVATED SOUND, A DOOR CLOSES)
I like geese, too. But the big problem with geese is killing them with just your hands and a stick. And if anybody sees you with one, people will take it away from you. Some adults just straight hurt you if you don’t give it to them.
(SOUND OF MUFFLED FOOTFALLS IN BACKGROUND)
You have to look for geese at night. I’m not supposed to go out at night. But you can find the geese by the lake and we’re not far from the lake and I kind of like the lake after dark. It’s very scary and you have to really listen to make sure no one is around you. But the lights are all broken on the lakeshore, and it’s so dark sometimes you can’t tell if your eyes are open or not.
And that makes it hard to find geese.
But the racoon my neighbour shot was a mom racoon and one of its babies was in our yard. I was going to kill it, because me and Em don’t have room for racoons and if you’re not going to eat it, there’s no reason to have it in your house. That’s what mom always said when we asked for a pet. But Em started to cry when I said I’d kill it and I didn’t know what to do, so I said we could keep it for a little while.
(DISTANT BIRDS CHIRPING)
And Em named it Pierce, because Pierce Brosnan’s mom’s favourite star.
I try not to think about mom.
(LONG PAUSE)
It’s taking Grandma a long time to die.
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED OFF)
(SOUNDBITE: KALIMBA MUSIC)
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED ON)
LUCRETIA: Wednesday.
Today, Em asked me why she loves things. I said, I don’t know. And then she was mad because I said I don’t know. Like she thought I was saying she was weird to love things. But that’s not what I said. I said: “I don’t know”, like why am I supposed to know why she loves things? And then she said, well, I don’t know why you love things, either. And I was like, I don’t love anything. Which isn’t true. I mean, I love mom and Em. And then I said; “What does it matter anyway?” And then Em said “because she loves Pierce.”
Pierce is okay, for a racoon. He’s cute and his fur is soft. But he poos and pees all over the place and the whole night he’s kind of, he kind of shrieks because he misses his mother. I mean, I don’t know why he shrieks, but that’s why I would shriek if I were him.
I think it’s bad Em loves Pierce, because we don’t have enough food and I don’t know how long we can keep him when he’s up all night getting into places and knocking things over. The noise he makes, it sounds like there’s people downstairs. Or maybe worse, because just the other day I heard the neighbour talking about something that happened on Dunn where men are breaking into peoples’ homes.
Yesterday I told Em to be careful about locking the doors in front and back and she said we don’t have to anymore because Pierce could be like a watchdog when he gets bigger.
(LUCRETIA LAUGHS QUIETLY)
I don’t think so, but I didn’t want to make her upset again, so I didn’t say anything. I just made sure the doors are locked.
I mean, Pierce is okay, for a racoon.
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED OFF)
(SOUNDBITE: XYLOPOHONE WITH SCRATCHING AND SNUFFLING SOUNDS, A CHILD CALLING ‘PIERCE’ IN THE BACKGROUND).
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED ON)
LUCREITA: Thursday.
(LUCRETIA SIGHS)
It’s not that I hate raccoons. Not really. I don’t trust them. And now that there’s no people on the street all the time, raccoons are more in your face, like: why are you walking where I am? And I just … I just don’t want to have that argument with raccoons.
(LUCRETIA LAUGHS SLIGHTLY)
It’s not like they really listen.
Em says she and Pierce really talk, though.
(LUCRETIA GIGGLES)
They have a connection. I said, “Well, uh, if you can tell him don’t pee on the bed?” And she says “We only have to give him a diaper. He’s still a baby!” And then, the next thing: I open the back door to go out and Pierce wants to come, but he’s wearing three of Em’s panties and a hand towel from the bathroom and he’s kind of shrieking.
(LUCRETIA LAUGHS THROUGH THESE LAST WORDS, THEN LAUGHS SOME MORE)
I don’t know: it looks funny, because he’s pulling the panties: not like off, but like he’s trying to get comfortable, like when your jeans are loose, because my mom used to buy them big so we’d grow into them. His tail looked sad. It must have felt uncomfortable bent like it was.
(LUCRETIA LAUGHS BRIEFLY)
I couldn’t let him out, because if he was shrieking the next-door neighbour would shoot him. But I didn’t want to undo Em’s work, like take off the panties. I know she’d get mad if I did. So, I had to keep him inside when I went out.
(SOUND OF A CAR PASSING IN THE DISTANCE)
I feel sorry for Pierce.
But I don’t … I don’t know what to do about him.
(LUCRETIA GIGGLES)
(SOUNDBITE: ECHOING KALIMBA CASCADES, A CHILD SAYS “I LOVE YOU” IN THE BACKGROUND)
LUCRETIA: Sunday
(MUFFLED TALKING IN THE BACKGROUND)
It’s strange the way Pierce follows Em around. Sometimes she talks to him like a doll. “Oh, Pierce, do you want to watch Netflix?”
“Oh, Pierce, wouldn’t it be fun to play Scrabble.”
But Em doesn’t even like anything on Netflix, and she plays both sides of Scrabble, even if she can’t spell. And Pierce will steal the letters or lift the board to see what’s under it. Or Em will watch vids about raccoons on YouTube and Pierce will watch with her, like he’s hypnotized. Sometimes he walks around shrieking and Em follows him trying to calm him down.
I wonder if he’s remembering he’s a raccoon.
I mean, when I go outside to catch squirrels or see if anything is um growing in the garden, it smells like outside. And then, you come inside and it smells of Pierce. That’s when you really notice the way inside is changing, when you come in from outside. It mostly smells of Pierce’s pee. But maybe that smell makes Pierce feel better.
I mean, I wonder what it would be like if you had to remember you were a human. Maybe you’d pee everywhere so you could think you were home. No, no. That’s not right. Home doesn’t smell like pee. It smells like coffee and bacon, even if we haven’t had coffee and bacon since mom left us.
(LUCRETIA SIGHS, MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED OFF)
(SOUNDBITE: KALIMBA CASCADING QUICKLY)
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS REORDER TURNED ON)
(LUCRETIA, SIGHS): Monday
I don’t like to lie. But I don’t like telling the truth, either, with the neighbour. Him and his wife both like to start talking and then they’re like, like telling me what to do and asking about mom. I stay away from the fence. But I can’t stay away from the garden, and our carrots and celery are right next to the fence. So, when I was making sure rats and raccoons weren’t eating the carrots, the neighbour asks if we have a raccoon in the house. I tell him “no.” He says “I think you do.” And I tell him “no,” and he says “You shouldn’t lie. I saw your sister with a raccoon.” I tell him, “Sorry, sir, I don’t know anything about a raccoon.” Then he says “Wild animals are dangerous. I’m going to call the authorities.”
(LUCRETIA GROANS)
He’s going to call the authorities.
(LUCRETIA SIGHS)
When I ask Em: “Em, did you take Pierce outside?” She says “No …” in that way she does when she’s lying. “Well you must of because the neighbour is going to call the authorities. And if the authorities come, they’re going to ask about Mom and maybe we won’t be able to stay home anymore. So, I hope you’re happy.” I shouldn’t have said that last thing, but I was really mad.
And she told me she took Pierce outside just the once, with a string tied ‘round him, to try and teach him how to pee in the garden. That’s when the neighbour must have seen her.
I felt sorry for saying what I did, because Em was really upset and Pierce was shrieking. So, then I worried if the neighbour would hear all the noise.
If people know we’re by ourselves, it’ll be bad.
I remember mom saying I’m the adult. I … I don’t feel like the adult.
(LUCRETIA’S VOICE IS CRACKING, SHE SIGHS)
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED OFF)
(SOUNDBITE: RAPID PERCUSSION, KALIMBAS)
(LUCRETIA): Thursday.
You can never tell about neighbours. Everyone was nice when mom was here. Before people started getting sick. Now it’s different. But how do they know mom’s not here? They haven’t seen her, so they don’t think about me and Em, what’ll happen if we get taken by Children’s Aid. And it’s like mom said: “Lu, you and Em have to take care of each other.” I think she meant I have to take care of Em, but Em would’ve been mad if mom said that.
I didn’t know if the neighbour was going to call the authorities, but we cleaned up. Like from top to bottom. Washed everything Pierce peed on, washed the rug so it smelled clean. Just so nobody could say they smell Pierce and come in.
When the authorities came, ok. There was only one of them: a woman with a mask and gloves and a suit. I wouldn’t have opened the door, except I thought about the neighbour and didn’t want us to get in trouble with the authorities. The woman asked how old I am. I said sixteen. “And where’s your mother?” I said: “she’s in the bedroom. She’s in quarantine because she’s sick.” Then Pierce started shrieking from inside the bedroom where we hid him. And I said, “my mom’s having breathing trouble.” The woman didn’t want to come in, after that, you could tell. You could tell she was afraid.
(LUCRETIA SOUNDS ALMOST GLEEFUL)
When the woman left, I thought: Pierce doesn’t sound anything like mom with breathing trouble. People just believe what they want to believe. And these days, nobody wants to go into anybody else’s house. My neighbour must have made real noise for the authorities to come in the first place.
Ugh. I never liked him, even when he was being nice.
(RECORDING DEVICE IS SET DOWN)
(SOUNDBITE: KALIMBA MUSIC WITH BIRDLIKE SOUNDS)
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED ON)
(LUCRETIA): Friday.
This morning, my sister was crying. She uh, she woke me up and then we had to look all over the house for Pierce. I wasn’t the one who wanted to keep Pierce, except to save him from the neighbour. But you can get to like almost anything if you are living with it and it doesn’t bite you. And I was okay with Pierce, even if I didn’t think him staying was a good idea.
But uh after we looked and looked inside, I uh, I saw one of Em’s panties in the yard, near the carrots. So, I was pretty sure Pierce must have been there.
After, Em was crying even more because she was the one who left the window in her room open. Her room is on the second floor but I bet Pierce didn’t even have trouble climbing out.
(LUCRETIA SOUNDS ON THE VERGE OF TEARS): I hate seeing Em cry. It makes me feel worse than when I’m crying. And Em said “Why do people you love go away?” Which is kind of funny, because Pierce isn’t people. But it wasn’t funny when she said it.
(LUCRETIA SOBS)
I knew it wouldn’t help, but I made flatbread for Em, and when I was making it I was thinking about Pierce, just hoping he didn’t go over to the neighbours. I mean, Em’s panties were by the carrots, which is a bad sign. But if the neighbour didn’t ... shoot him, maybe he might come back.
(LUCRETIA TAKES A DEEP BREATH)
With Em so upset, I had to say, “maybe he might come back.” And that made her feel better. But it wasn’t that I really wanted him to come back.
(LUCRETIA SNIFFLES)
(SOUNDBITE: KALIMBA MUSIC)
(SOUND OF A PEN SCRATCHING, A SIREN IN THE DISTANCE)
LUCRETIA: Saturday.
(LUCRETIA SIGHS)
Em wants to come hunting with me, but she’s too young to climb trees and she makes too much noise anyway. She doesn’t want to be alone inside without Pierce. She never used to mind before, but now that Pierce is gone, she says she’s frightened. If we still want squirrels to eat, I’ll … I’ll have to find some way of hunting before she gets up in the morning. But now she says she doesn’t want to eat squirrels either.
(LUCRETIA SIGHS)
It’s not like we eat every day. I don’t know what I’ll do if she doesn’t eat squirrel. There just isn’t enough in the garden to feed us and the rice we get every week goes pretty fast if we just eat that. We get rice, canned peas, canned beets, flour, milk, margarine and sugar. That’s if someone doesn’t steal our delivery. I don’t like squirrel, either, but I promised mom I’d make sure we eat.
(LUCRETIA SIGHS)
We have some squirrel in the freezer.
The hardest thing is … the hardest thing is trying to tell Em that everything’s all right. Trying to tell her in a way that keeps her from being unhappy. How do I keep her from being unhappy when I’m not even happy?
(LUCRETIA SIGHS)
Now even I miss Pierce, too. At least he was someone for Em to take care of. I mean, it’s easier when you have someone to take care of.
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED OFF)
(SOUNDBITE: KALIMBA IS MONOTONE, THEN SWELLS)
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TUNED ON)
LUCRETIA: Sunday.
Em asked me: how long has it been since mom left?
I don’t know exactly. I was already thirteen when she left, but it seems like forever.
Today was a good day. We were watching YouTube vids about hairstyle. I want to cut my hair off. It’s better with no hair than when Em tries to give me a style. But I let her cut my hair because she likes doing it.
And then, we were like, an email?
We got an email from Uncle Harry. Em was so excited she cut off a hunk of my hair by accident.
(SOUND OF TYPING ON A KEYBOARD)
Dear Lucretia and Emily,
I’m sorry I didn’t write much sooner. It has been a terrible time in Hornepayne. Your Grandma has died. Then your mother got sick and so did most of us. Your aunt Rita died last week. And your cousins Rob, Mike, and Tal have been sick. Everyone has been seeing to the sick and dying.
Your mother has asked me to tell you that she is feeling better. We haven’t been able to keep in touch because of all the outages up here. And we still don’t know when she will be able to travel or how soon she will get from Hornepayne back home when she does. Gas is hard to come by, except in town where nobody goes anymore because they’re frightened.
Your mother wants you to know that she will be home as soon as she is able.
Much love.
Uncle Harold.
(LUCRETIA SIGHS)
I don’t know why Em started to cry after we read that. It was good news. But I guess it was the kind of good news that makes the bad news even worse.
(LUCRETIA’S VOICE IS CRACKING)
Hard to know how much longer it will be before mom comes home.
(LUCRETIA SNIFFLES)
I was sad about Grandma and Auntie Rita.
(LUCRETIA SNIFFLES)
Em asked if your body dies does it mean that your mind dies too?
(LUCRETIA SIGHS, CATCHES HER BREATH)
I don’t think so.
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED OFF)
(SOUNDBITE: KALIMBA MUSIC WITH A HUM GROWING IN THE BACKGROUND)
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED ON)
(LUCRETIA): Thursday
(LUCRETIA SIGHS, SNIFFLES)
Today was a day when we were in the garden. Em was helping plant the last lettuce seeds we have. I don’t like lettuce. The raccoons and the squirrels dig it up and the insects get it. And there’s always bitten leaves, which is kind of icky. But some days it was all we had. Lettuce and flatbread. Em was saying how, when she gets older, she’ll try chocolate covered lettuce, because she wouldn’t mind bitten leaves if there is chocolate.
And uh, and then there was a sound like falling in the kitchen and we both thought Pierce maybe came back, like I thought he might come back. And uh, and when we went inside to see … it was mom in the kitchen.
Em was so happy she couldn’t speak. She kept running and screaming and then holding mom. And mom is so thin, I was scared. Mom said she was sorry and she was crying.
I couldn’t help it. I was happy, but I was crying too.
(LUCRETIA SOBS QUIETLY)
I don’t know what I feel.
(LUCRETIA SOBS)
(MUFFLED MICROPHONE SOUND AS RECORDER TURNED OFF)
That was Bahia Watson as Lucretia in part one of Metamorphosis, A Viral Trilogy, by André Alexis.
This trilogy was produced by Volcano, and part one was presented by TO Live.
Part two, Kerri Wonders, goes live on Aug 24, 2020 with SummerWorks. Part three, Nella at 86 goes live August 31st with Canadian Stage.
If you’re curious to listen to a panel discussion with the artists and presenters of Metamorphosis, including André Alexis, join us on Saturday, Sept 5 at 12 noon Eastern. For links to this panel, and all the episodes, or if you’d like to make a comment or ask a question, please visit us at volcano.ca.
Thanks for listening.
Transcriber: Anastasia Chipleski